Because you just did things the way you wanted to, you didn't give a proper explanation to me. Or her, for the matter. We had to bear the weight of you did for so long, and it didn't even occur to you that you should give us a reason. And you didn't give us a choice in the first place, letting us live on with that misguided opinion of him. Just because you were afraid to lose what you have. Selfish, much? If I had never found your diary, would I live in your lie for, like, the rest of my life or something?
Your repeated self-assurances that you were a logical and clear-headed person makes me want to laugh in your face. Your repeated self-assurances that you were going to make it up to us as best as you could, makes me want to throw your bloody book in your face. Because you will never be able to. What you took away from us is something that nobody and no one can make up for. And you don't even want to give me a chance to make it up to not only him, but myself as well.
You so want to live guilt-free, you so want to convince yourself that you weren't the one at fault. Well, too bad for you, the devil found out about you. When the time is right, I will let you know that I know. Maybe, say, 8 years from now? I'll pay back to you in kind the period of time you lied to me.
Shit, I don't even know why you have the right to make me cry, to screw my life. Just because you gave me the life I have now? Well, you didn't let me choose whether I want to live this life.
Your repeated self-assurances that you were a logical and clear-headed person makes me want to laugh in your face. Your repeated self-assurances that you were going to make it up to us as best as you could, makes me want to throw your bloody book in your face. Because you will never be able to. What you took away from us is something that nobody and no one can make up for. And you don't even want to give me a chance to make it up to not only him, but myself as well.
You so want to live guilt-free, you so want to convince yourself that you weren't the one at fault. Well, too bad for you, the devil found out about you. When the time is right, I will let you know that I know. Maybe, say, 8 years from now? I'll pay back to you in kind the period of time you lied to me.
Shit, I don't even know why you have the right to make me cry, to screw my life. Just because you gave me the life I have now? Well, you didn't let me choose whether I want to live this life.
Disgusted to the power of 139481.
Dramatic stories happen in dramas, not my life. I just want the simplest life possible. I'm only 16 and a half, I don't need such exciting adrenaline rushes that send my blood sugar spiking like crazy.
I'm still a child, I need you to tell and show me what's right and wrong. I am not ready to judge you.
I want to whine about going home, I don't want to be stuck in school unhappily and get even more frustrated when I think about seeing you at home. Just because I don't know how to face you and your lies.
Dramatic stories happen in dramas, not my life. I just want the simplest life possible. I'm only 16 and a half, I don't need such exciting adrenaline rushes that send my blood sugar spiking like crazy.
I'm still a child, I need you to tell and show me what's right and wrong. I am not ready to judge you.
I want to whine about going home, I don't want to be stuck in school unhappily and get even more frustrated when I think about seeing you at home. Just because I don't know how to face you and your lies.
I feel so zapped these couple of days. Must be thanks to the, uh, monthly troubles. To a certain extent I suppose. Then again some shit stuff keep popping into my head these days. No matter how hard I try to suppress those thoughts they keep bobbing up to the surface, like a bottle cork in a swimming pool. Plus the water's full of bleach and irresponsible idiots' pee and poo and god-knows-what.
Anyway, yeah, back to the point. I digressed. Feel like crying or something whenever I board a bus or have some quiet time alone the past few days. Complete change of environment notwithstanding, I (think I) have a right to be pissed when its been *s'long* since I last heard from you. I was never really into those self-pitying kinda things, but why do I have to carry around what you gave me when you're never there to help me through? It gets just a tad heavy for me sometimes. On top of that, I still have to lie coz of you. Okay, scrap that, I want to lie about you because it makes things easier for me. I AM a selfish pug. You only make things difficult for me, always.
Yet I find myself doing some things that remind me of you. Omg. Wow. Sometimes I realize what I'm doing and I'm like "OHMYGAWD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" then its back to the same thing. Because those "some things", are things that I have to do.
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an oxymoron or something. Paradox. Idk, but I'm not exactly elated about that. How I wish that the right thing I'm doing could be a bit easier. Screw you.
Anyway, yeah, back to the point. I digressed. Feel like crying or something whenever I board a bus or have some quiet time alone the past few days. Complete change of environment notwithstanding, I (think I) have a right to be pissed when its been *s'long* since I last heard from you. I was never really into those self-pitying kinda things, but why do I have to carry around what you gave me when you're never there to help me through? It gets just a tad heavy for me sometimes. On top of that, I still have to lie coz of you. Okay, scrap that, I want to lie about you because it makes things easier for me. I AM a selfish pug. You only make things difficult for me, always.
Yet I find myself doing some things that remind me of you. Omg. Wow. Sometimes I realize what I'm doing and I'm like "OHMYGAWD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" then its back to the same thing. Because those "some things", are things that I have to do.
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an oxymoron or something. Paradox. Idk, but I'm not exactly elated about that. How I wish that the right thing I'm doing could be a bit easier. Screw you.
Okayeeeeee I seriously don't know why I'm feeling nervous. Like, doki-doki. Its just school, Tomoe!!! DX Everything. Will. Turn. Out. Fine. Remember all your self-fulfilling prophecies? Just continue to believe in them, and yourself. Two years will pass in a flash, no matter whether you like it or not. Just try to enjoy yourself and be open to new people and things, okay?
Lessons start tomorrow, yet I don't know anything yet. How now, brown cow? It'll be alright. That's like my catch-phrase now??!
Anyway, whatever it is, at least I have something to hold on to and look forward to. Some people who will never fail to make me grin like an idiot. And thank god for them, even though I've never even seen them face-to-face before. :D
Lessons start tomorrow, yet I don't know anything yet. How now, brown cow? It'll be alright. That's like my catch-phrase now??!
Anyway, whatever it is, at least I have something to hold on to and look forward to. Some people who will never fail to make me grin like an idiot. And thank god for them, even though I've never even seen them face-to-face before. :D
GAHHHHH first day at New School today. New School is not as nice as Old School. I knew more people at Old School and the people were more... boisterous I suppose? New School is so big and so clean and so white. New School has scary people like Olympic swimmers and people with straight As and people who DSA through so many talents. I have nothing. I am going to die, rot and fry in New School. I feel scared in New School.
*end of complaints*
Hehehehehe okay lah RI(JC)'s not that bad. I was just being childish and uhm, making my fears known. Because apparently, according to XXX, I don't do that much enough and bottling everything up will make me go mad and explode one day. Although, from a more objective angle, it is true that RI(JC) has a lot of talented and unique people. Maybe one day (hopefully soon), I will find that I am unique too ekyungkyung xD
Okay so today was rather shocking, what with the more acclerated than expected subject combination submission and multiple placement tests (none of which I took) etc etc. So it was a rather successful wake up call to my stagnant soul, whom I mentioned previously. Lots of ice breaker games and name-memorising today, which was kinda hard cuz I really suck at names, as many people know. Okay maybe not, because I'm lots worse at recognizing faces online. Am talking crap again, just ignore me wholeheartedly alright. Back to today's orientation: games. Yes. The ironic thing was that uhm the games we played post-dimissal were much more "icebreaking" than the games we played during orientation. Following so far? If not you can just say byebye.
Next thing=which CCA to join ekyungkyung. And to find out which class I'm in, of course. LOL I really wanna see if there are any people who have similar interests as me :D If not, well, I can always "convert" people :D
Hehe lolly's away for dinner now and I'm bored :O she says she has something to discuss with me? :O :O :O
*end of complaints*
Hehehehehe okay lah RI(JC)'s not that bad. I was just being childish and uhm, making my fears known. Because apparently, according to XXX, I don't do that much enough and bottling everything up will make me go mad and explode one day. Although, from a more objective angle, it is true that RI(JC) has a lot of talented and unique people. Maybe one day (hopefully soon), I will find that I am unique too ekyungkyung xD
Okay so today was rather shocking, what with the more acclerated than expected subject combination submission and multiple placement tests (none of which I took) etc etc. So it was a rather successful wake up call to my stagnant soul, whom I mentioned previously. Lots of ice breaker games and name-memorising today, which was kinda hard cuz I really suck at names, as many people know. Okay maybe not, because I'm lots worse at recognizing faces online. Am talking crap again, just ignore me wholeheartedly alright. Back to today's orientation: games. Yes. The ironic thing was that uhm the games we played post-dimissal were much more "icebreaking" than the games we played during orientation. Following so far? If not you can just say byebye.
Next thing=which CCA to join ekyungkyung. And to find out which class I'm in, of course. LOL I really wanna see if there are any people who have similar interests as me :D If not, well, I can always "convert" people :D
Hehe lolly's away for dinner now and I'm bored :O she says she has something to discuss with me? :O :O :O
Why am I holding an MSN conversation with Jesmine Tan discussing the video she watched on YT about a woman pooping? Its absolutely disgusting x__x
My days of being bored are numbered. School starts on Monday, I hope it'll be fun. At least the orientation leader sounded nice. Nice enough to repeat herself half the time cuz I was uh too deaf to hear her properly. Gomen ne. Lately my ears have been dying on me. It goes pop pop popping even when I take the lift/MRT. And that sucks cuz I take these two like (almost) everyday. How? I never heard of sensitive ears. Sensitive eyes, nose, teeth etc, yeah, but not sensitive mimis. :/
Neways, back to the topic of school, lol. I'm actually quite excited to start on the Chinese Lit thingy... it sounds interesting. To me, at least. But I still don't know whether I should be taking 2 arts and 2 science subjects. Okay, I know this is all very boring and monotonous but I LIKE talking about it and this is MY blog, ALRIGHT?!?! So I call the shots here.
Even if I want to talk about Changmin all day and post all the pictures of him I can find, you can't complain.
I aint gonna force myself to do what I dont want to do or talk to whoever I don't like anymore. What for. I am gonna get myself outta here asap. SO. Not that I'm going to be really unsociable and all that, its just that I don't see the point in changing the way I act so that people will like me anymore. Its kinda sapping and I'm not exactly liking all the blah blahs. I sound so emo all the time, WAI????
Gah I really hope the petition works + Haha agrees. Not toooo much to ask for, right? -crosses fingers real tight- I badly need something to motivate me. Then after that, prolly just one more year.
I really don't like it when I talk to someone and I get ignored and that someone goes on to talk non stop about what SHE wants to talk about. Neither do I like it when someone talks to me through another person for some godforsaken reason; its not like I am poisonous right. Alright, maybe I'm a little more aggressive than most normal people, but there are so many more people more aggressive than me. And you fcuking never stop to think that its people who run along the same wavelength as YOU (YES YOU. YOU YOU YOU) who made me the way I am today. Too bad ne, neh neh poo pooooo~
The sheer number of words I type a day recently surprise even me. Its like once I start its just, "tap, tap, tap" on the keyboard and the POOM I have a whole page of words. Just one fanacct/ interview translation makes a really long post. But I like it. Did I ever mention I like words? Its got this fantastic ability to make me feel better. :D
A TREAT, THEN,:
PAPA MAKES ME HAPPY, LOL.
My days of being bored are numbered. School starts on Monday, I hope it'll be fun. At least the orientation leader sounded nice. Nice enough to repeat herself half the time cuz I was uh too deaf to hear her properly. Gomen ne. Lately my ears have been dying on me. It goes pop pop popping even when I take the lift/MRT. And that sucks cuz I take these two like (almost) everyday. How? I never heard of sensitive ears. Sensitive eyes, nose, teeth etc, yeah, but not sensitive mimis. :/
Neways, back to the topic of school, lol. I'm actually quite excited to start on the Chinese Lit thingy... it sounds interesting. To me, at least. But I still don't know whether I should be taking 2 arts and 2 science subjects. Okay, I know this is all very boring and monotonous but I LIKE talking about it and this is MY blog, ALRIGHT?!?! So I call the shots here.
Even if I want to talk about Changmin all day and post all the pictures of him I can find, you can't complain.
I aint gonna force myself to do what I dont want to do or talk to whoever I don't like anymore. What for. I am gonna get myself outta here asap. SO. Not that I'm going to be really unsociable and all that, its just that I don't see the point in changing the way I act so that people will like me anymore. Its kinda sapping and I'm not exactly liking all the blah blahs. I sound so emo all the time, WAI????
Gah I really hope the petition works + Haha agrees. Not toooo much to ask for, right? -crosses fingers real tight- I badly need something to motivate me. Then after that, prolly just one more year.
I really don't like it when I talk to someone and I get ignored and that someone goes on to talk non stop about what SHE wants to talk about. Neither do I like it when someone talks to me through another person for some godforsaken reason; its not like I am poisonous right. Alright, maybe I'm a little more aggressive than most normal people, but there are so many more people more aggressive than me. And you fcuking never stop to think that its people who run along the same wavelength as YOU (YES YOU. YOU YOU YOU) who made me the way I am today. Too bad ne, neh neh poo pooooo~
The sheer number of words I type a day recently surprise even me. Its like once I start its just, "tap, tap, tap" on the keyboard and the POOM I have a whole page of words. Just one fanacct/ interview translation makes a really long post. But I like it. Did I ever mention I like words? Its got this fantastic ability to make me feel better. :D
A TREAT, THEN,:
PAPA MAKES ME HAPPY, LOL.
