talking to shirley made me feel so scared
i dont know whether i should hold on for the next month or just forget everything and start accepting it
"disappointment" is no longer enough. maybe you say i have no right to be disappointed, but i dont give a damn about you, okay?
so much for the past.
you were the one who went on and on about her. you were the one who said you wouldnt change. now i find you hypocritically amusing. :))
you i'm trying to figure out how to feel about.
none of you actually thought we could do nothing. but we can you knw. its not a threat.
but if you really hit it there, theres no reason why we should cont supporting you.
and i'll tell you this: RESPECT IS MUTUAL.

well now i know there's nobody i can trust except them.
and do you knw just this afternoon, i told myself i must be simple enough for God to love me?

erps shirley see all your fault la.
make me want to cry. you very smart lor ):
am feeling so nostalgic now :/
haha anw yepp i agree with you shirley whirley!
i love you st john deep down in my heart ((:

haha i might not knw wht's gna happen in the future, who's gna change, what's gna change, but i know two things
1. I LOVE YOU SNSJ! <3
2. I CAN'T WAIT FOR JTC '07 (though a few days before tht i'll say i wna pon and im scared and stuff like that x])

but now im scared of wht's going to happen

We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing at the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected; what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

hahahh it really felt different singing this last year and this year. -points upwards
cos yeah so many things happened throughout the past year -thinks back
the past three days made me lose touch with some things that've been going on outside;
but it made me come in touch with a lot of other things, helped me find some things ive lost throughout the past 6 months, and discover some things which are really, really scary.
but WHATEVER it is.. -lalas away-

i brought back from JTC aching muscles, a truckload of feelings i don't know how to deal with, and another truckload full of memories and i come back more scared than i was before i went
but i'm quite proud of what i've brought back ((:

eeyur i came back yesterday and i just lay on bed and stoned
cos i suddenly didnt wht to do w/o ma'ams screaming at me
and i kept on clutching the group flag :/

aahh nvrmnd i shall look forward to JTC next year -doesn't know what face to make

beer through the nose on an inside joke

im so positive im going to get my menses during JTC. heavy-flow days w0rXx.
errr is the worxx correct? -checks ahlian dictionary-
ok nevermind like i care. -starts calling ahlian lang experts eg shirley and gets-
two years in a row please. im sure i wont dare lie down and sleep during camp. :/
hurr then hopefully dont leak. OMG why am i saying all these here?!
ah well. oh did i mention i love <3 JTC
im patiently waiting for 12mn. no not because i'm waiting for 18 june and all the more not because i'm waiting for some world cup match. if there's even a match.
but because errrr i'll get to reset the message counter. HAHAHH. if you understand what i'm talking about.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

smth's wrong with me today :/
errr went to see my mum off at the airport in the morning
then the whole way there i was stoning and not talking
PMS! @#%$&^!

today is BAD HAIR DAY. i dont like sec2 life. :/
seems like that day, fifth february two thousand and six, i did not just cut away my hair.
i cut away something from myself, and now i dont feel whole anymore.
the past week i've been feeling nothing. :/
someone can be there screaming at me and i can just go on stoning.
now i just wanna listen to my two songs over and over again and stone and not think about anything.
im feeling so stuck.

errr we did format today! im rusty. :/
ohyes and we did the ispat kenan with 9 persons and the timing went all the way to "... ... twenty-one! twenty-two!"
then went to watch the omen with jaslin and wanzi.
ehm the movie wasn't really scary but got some errr "disturbing images" like the father brennam (sp?) getting impaled grotesquely
the pink candy floss! HAHH we came out from the cinema all with PINK TEETH.
then we walked past action city and wejaslin was so fascinated by this grabbing thing machine :/
uhm then there was this panda yue tuan stage scheduled for performance on 17th and 18th and there two spastic men so
jaslin: why are they here today?
me: warm up lah -starts ranting to self about pandas singing-
jaslin: then i shall go down and grab their mikes and say "ni men hao. wo shi jin hui, jin shen de jin, zhi hui de hui."
me: no, lets go and -tilts head to one side- "one.. two.. three.. four.. five.."
jaslin and wanzi: HURR?
me: warming up mah.
jaslin and wanzi: -stone for a few seconds- HAHAHAHAHAHAHH.

!#$%!^*&%
I LOST MY WALKATHON CARD. HOW!

errrr im very bored.
and i've gotten the habit of saying errrrr since last night i think. :/
ahwell. my bag's damn heavy for tmrw! and last year all i brought to grp-flag-making was wht; waterbottle, paintbrush and a very sian-ed brain cos i was enjoying aircon at home and i had to go and do the dumbo flag.
this year leh i brought: -starts digging into big big bag
newspapers, phonecards, POP item stuff, pencil case, paint, paintbrushes, cup, umbrella, what shirley calls my 药包, waterbottle, iPod, notebook, black cloth.
errrr on the outside it looks like im a refugee, but when you look inside you'd probably wonder why would someone bring paintbrushes while on the run. to paint the enemies perhaps.
and i've to lug all those to the army market tmrw. great. :/
no wonder im so short
ohyes i just remembered. eeyur i dont wna get menses during JTC leh. or else it'd be two years in a row.

we only learn to cherish when what we have is gone
fully grasped the meaning of this today

its time for the stupid big fat C word.
ive experienced it, and i didnt like it.
im still clenching using more strength than is good, the points where ive dug hurts alot and are bleeding
and im telling people ive never clenched.
so dont follow me and learn to relax those hand muscles.

ahh listening to those songs im listening to right now remind me of mcomp times.
what's wrong with me?! :/
its really difficult to give it up and let it go
but ive faith in you! and im sure you can do it <3
lots of love,
tomoe.

uhhh i shall go pray for ziziwan now )':

how can you expect someone to let go of a life she's been living for the past years and start all over again; so suddenly
somewhere where everything is different
be it physically or not
i know cos of you;
i handled it like it didnt matter at all
and until now i still dont know
what is it i want
i'll probably just go on pretending i dont care
and nothing happened

wasted my time today lah. now doing dachangjin. finally.
sqdmates please give $17 bucks to me/shirley on thursday if you see this and/or receive the msg! thanks :D

ah haha im back from Encounter!!! ok actually ive been back qt long alr but was too lazy to blog.
Encounter! haha don't really knw what to say. not that i dont have anything to say, i have a lot; but rather my expressive skills arent good enough.
but to summarise everything, really want to thank God for giving me a chance to be able to go for this camp. really really. life changing experience man.

6 in st nicks by end July! :D
haha im really woah-ed when i think tht there's 1500+/- people in the entire stnicks sec population and 6 of us are going to be put together to do God's work. woah. woah!
yay kar and i are going to work really hard to achieve that goal! :D

anw met gets at sun plaza today! yay im seriously happy, cos i didnt see her since term ended! and i missed her like siao. and kar got well! her fever was 39.5 in the morning and she was well in the afternoon alr. everyone's prayers were heard! yay. rocks.
haha anw i ate hagen dazs ice-cream today! first time leh. im so suaku right hahahhahahhha.
yay im so contented now (:

ripped this off shirley's blog xD
can go there and see the points i deleted/edited :D

#1 Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
#2 Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. Arh, debating skills anyone?
#3 Don't believe all you hear hmpfh i do, does that mean i'm stupid?
#4 When you say, "I love you," mean it.
#5 When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. so hard/
#7 Believe in love at first sight.
#8 Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. 人因梦想而伟大! :D
#9 Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. arh, sadly i don't believe in love )':
#12 Talk slowly but think quickly.
#13 When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" and glare or give no expression, depending on my mood.
#14 Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. which might turn out to be painful
#17 Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
#18 Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
#19 When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
#20 Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. ":D"

Encounter! <3>
okay good news for people who dont like me: i won't be online/blogging and you probably wont see me for the next few days :D
thus, bad news for people who like me <3
everyone see a new person blogging in 4 days' time! cant tell you how excited i am! :D
Goodbye for now; :D

Banana-chan`shouted out + 21:41:00 [#]

kao my jtc group this year is like #^*&!#@
)': im going to pon it.
for the next two weeks i shall keep forcing myself to remember that shirley and cassandra are in my bunk. and that my grp colour is black! hahahaaa i like black. (:
and shirleylausiewhui you better stop gloating. >:/ or im going to get everyone to pangseh you next monday.
i shall go dwell on my misery and pity myself now. )):

on a brighter note, camp's tmrw!!! :DD

The feeling that one has been abandoned by the two closest people in the world often leaves scars that are difficult to heal.
排山倒海 - 张惠妹
以为断了這份爱　就能笑着醒过来
太不明白你在我心中　地位无可取代
恐惧永远都会在　只能想着你的脸 记取那灿烂

汪洋之中谁来守护你寂寞的帆
晴空之下谁來垂怜你眼裡无声吶喊
爱情只剩一丝呼吸
排山倒海也为你而来 (桑田沧海也等你回來〕

不管结局怎么坏　我会勇敢撐下來
因為你曾給我那麼多　在梦裡也能取暖
不准眼泪掉出來　喔　我想得太简单 就难免失败

情愿接受命运的无情试探 要像珍珠焕发全新的光彩
我会等着你 我会等着你 我会等着你 等着你

hahaa my mum used to listen this song few years ago whenever we went home.
when i was arnd primary 3-4?
so reminiscing of my amk blk 325 home. )':

kao now my whole leg's pain. esp the knee there. aiya forget it my left leg's useless alr. ):
http://www.geocities.com/hotsprings/villa/3877/divorce.html
Some people swing to one end by denying that it affects them. They try to go on merrily in their lives projecting an image that they are handling it well. The truth is, there is a world of difference between what one experiences in a healthy family versus one that is broken.
Surrender this anger over to the Lord in prayer and allow Him to minister to this internal pain so that you may be able to forgive, and in the process of your own healing, learn even to relinquish and love those who have wronged you. It can be tough to do, but this is the true Christian conduct - that we do not deny our God-given human emotion, but learn to take responsibility for it and at the same time , committing the persons whom we feel angry about to the love and care of our Lord.
The child is left to try to understand why these two people cannot stay together and may even personalise the blame because they feel that they are not good enough to bring them back together.

hurr i miss gets!

Went PC fair at Suntec!
Pianggs damn crowded leh. Then suddenly realized Singaporeans like to stand in the middle of pathways of extremely crowded places and irritate fellow Singaporeans (eg. yours truly). :/
Yes so all the while we were there i was very very irritated. Partly also because my sis was being lame. But then my mum bought a laptop for me! whee~ :D <3
Owwwch my sunburnt patches are painful. My old leg problem is back la. Superrrr painful ): Nvrmnd shall go see doctor and dream of long-term M/C; excuse from physical activity.

ah, probably the only thing i liked about today was my tan :D
ok la the swimming in the water part was fun too
maybe its my own problem tht i dint enjoy
yeapp and the walking ard turned some of my fats a bit harder :D
after so many hours of fasting, i don't feel like eating seriously.
maybe if i continue like that everyday, i'll leave overweightness behind me :D

wells the walk out of sentosa was >:/
so long, and shirley was daoing me and mogu most of the time >:(
ahwell.
and today some people said im lame lor. like hello im not?
am i lame? hahahha see no response means no one thinks i am. ;D
anw you can scroll down to the qu yuan post and find out why im lame. if you think i am. :/

maybe i need to do some searching, and find my love for it back,
i dont want it all to be like that; like today.
i didn't want it to be like that, and i don't know what happened.

kao i'll never bloghop in the morning agn. :/
'cos if i read something bad, i get this feeling tht my whole day's gna be spoiled.
how can someone be that desperate.
you selfish pugs